You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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