3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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