They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
