drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
