The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
