Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
