I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
