If i come over, it means nothing
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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