Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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