Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i love accidental penises.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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