what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
