Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize