threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
