I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
