On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize