are you still at the devil's house?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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