ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
