but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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