You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
