lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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