I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
