I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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