He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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