We won't sleep together?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
