Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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