Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
