yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
