I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
