If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
