I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
