a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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