i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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