he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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