New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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