I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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