ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
