I cannot find my penis.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
