I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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