I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
