a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
