You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize