Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
