I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
