I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
