we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
