I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
