I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
