I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize