i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
