Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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