I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
