I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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