She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
