Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
