Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
