I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
