Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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