yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
