NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
