I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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