How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
