maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
