Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
