I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
