You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
