what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
