I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed