I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
