guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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