I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
