It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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